First Steps
by Tracy137
Summary: Kayla Knight is now trying to deal with a confused Gabriel and a watchful Sylar how will she deal with someone she in turn pities and loathes?  SylarxOC  COMPLETE!


_**Disclaimer:**__** I don't own 'Heroes' or any of its characters. So there is no copyright infringement intended, nor do I intend to tick anyone off – so please don't sue me, I'm poor enough already! But I do own the story itself and the characters of Kayla and non-Heroes types…. :O)**_

_**I've had a review and a few e-mails and pm's asking if I would continue the 'is there hope?' story; I thought I'd be better doing it as one shots (just in case it doesn't work). Plus since my strokes my concentration isn't what it could be, and it wasn't brilliant to start with. :O) **_

_**WARNING:**__** BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

**Summary: Kayla Knight is now trying to deal with a confused Gabriel and a watchful Sylar; how will she deal with someone she in turn pities and loathes? SylarxOC**

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_**FIRST STEPS**_

I see him watch me approach, but I show no fear. After all, you wouldn't show a vicious dog you were scared of him would you? I know there's hope for him, I know that I can offer him some sort of peace – but I also remember that as well as the redeemable Gabriel Gray, I also have to deal with the blood soaked Sylar.

"So, Gabriel" I say lightly but firmly "we are to remain together until such time as Mr Nakamura can trust you to roam alone and not kill."

"When will that be" he grates – his throat must be dry so I fetch him some water. I hold the cup, and as he sips I answer him.

"When he says so – he is a perfect judge of character; _he_ will say when the time is right." Before I can say more Gabriel stops drinking and Sylar smirks; inwardly I roll my eyes, I can see why the others abhor this man.

"Is that _his_ power? Or does he do something else?" he sniffs at me "You know I can _smell_ yours and you have _so_ many; God what I could do with your brain."

My lips curl in disgust; but as I step away from him my face is perfectly blank, my emotions utterly masked. He growls his displeasure; obviously he thought me to be easily intimidated.

It is my turn to smirk as I look innocently at him "oh, did you think to scare me?" I shake my head "Sadly you will have to do better – I have seen too much brutality for such idiocy to induce even the remotest tremor of fear.

Anyway, you would be dead before you could move – I am able to absorb powers without hurting the individual and I have some pretty cool ones."

He sneers; although they are the same man I think Gabriel is the better looking of the two – there is a softness to his eyes and a vulnerability to his stance that makes him more appealing.

This……creature is only an inhabitant of the same body, I would show Sylar no more mercy than I would any rabid animal. What of Gabriel I hear you ask? Well, it would be a welcome release wouldn't it? Sylar sneers "they were broken – in fact, I did them a favour….."

"Really?" before he can continue I butt in; I've heard this little statement from him before (as I said I've watched him for some time) and frankly it bores me "aren't you broken as well though?"

He glares and I watch him calmly as I explain "I mean the only reason you exist is because Gabriel couldn't cope with his mother and his new life as one of us.

When he snapped you came into existence, that's why you don't like anyone calling you Gabriel Gray, because that just emphasizes that you are only a shadow of the _real_ man here." I eye him clinically "so perhaps I should absorb all_your_ powers…."

He stiffens, but he can't stop me and I see him frowning "I absorbed a force field power" I explain conversationally "I have immense control of it – basically I get to let in, or out of it, as much power as I want."

I don't add that it only appears to work on our kind's abilities; I doubt it'd stop a bullet, but then he doesn't need to know that does he?

"Do you absorb all the power of your victims?" he gasps as I step back; I see the cocky Sylar persona is weakened as I draw some of his abilities from him, and make a mental note of it for future use.

I shake my head in answer to his question "I used to, but not since I learnt to control it – I absorb all or a little; it depends on the person. I accidentally snagged an empath's powers so now I can tell if they want the power or not. It's a very helpful little tool too."

He stared as I shrugged and added "if they're okay with it then I just bag a bit – if they truly hate it then I collar the lot. As for victims, please" I roll my eyes "_I'm_not the brain eater."

He glared "I _never_ ate them – I _studied_ them; that was how I learnt to absorb their gifts."

"You still cut their heads open and extracted their brains; frankly that's as bad. _My_ so called 'victims' survived completely unharmed; but I have yet to see a body, that is missing both the top of its head and its brain, remain as a fully functioning member of society." I arch an eyebrow and Sylar glowers at me.

"You have a smart mouth; one day I'll cut your tongue out!" he barks.

"One day you'll die and I'll dance on your grave in a red dress" I retort coolly.

He grins nastily at me "you look older than me, so I doubt that's likely."

How I want to slap that smirk off his face; but I retain the control I mastered so long before and merely smile calmly in return "You're the best at all you do Sylar" he smirked victoriously but it was wiped of his smug face as I added "but sadly all you do is make people hate you – well that and you kill them; not huge skills really are they?"

"We'll see – we'll see who wins." He grumbled and then felt sleepy so he lay down and closed his eyes. How did I know he was so tired? I made him feel that way – another little toy I'd picked up on my travels.

He'd be out for a few hours and then I'd have to really get to work. I wasn't here to trade insults and arguments with Sylar; I'm here to bring Gabriel Gray forward and push Sylar so deep into Gabriel's psyche that he'd never surface again, or at the very least not be too much trouble.

Sounds easy right? Wrong – not only had I to ensure that Gray's evil alter ego was in some way severely controlled so that Gabriel could regain control of his life, I had to ensure he could control his powers as well as Sylar ever had.

Doesn't sound so easy now, does it? The hardest part would be dealing with Sylar. My grandad, God rest him, had all the best sayings; his favourite was "we're two halves of the same whole Kayla."

He was right too, if you think about it. There's good and bad in all of us; how many times have you lied or done something out of spite? A lot I bet; we all have.

In real life there are no 'mary-sue's', merely ordinary people; still, for the most part we all muddle along, just trying to live out our pathetic existences as best we can.

However sometimes the constant pressure of trying to keep our darker side under wraps; particularly when we have deranged and unbalanced parents, means that our usually precariously balanced temperaments tend to fracture.

Then any one of a number of things can happen – nervous breakdown, severe depression, suicide to name but a few. Or we get separate identities within the same person – ie Gabriel Gray, very nice bloke, begets Sylar, raving lunatic. Of course there are exceptions to every rule; in this case it is Nicki and Jessica – they really are twins sharing the same body.

I was surprised to be honest, when I learnt their secret; who knew that the dead twin could be such a pill even from beyond the grave? Personally I'd have gone the exorcism route – but Nicki's too soft to be that brutal. Still, it's at times like these I'm glad I'm an only child – sibling rivalry, especially on this scale, would be one problem too many for me right now.

I stare at Gabriel and sigh; he seems so peaceful when he's sleeping. I toy with the idea of keeping him in a coma for the rest of his life; I _could _do it….I think…..and at least he'd be no trouble.

But it's a passing fancy; Mr Nakamura would be disappointed in me and I'd hate that. I haven't told you much about me have I? Well, you'll catch up soon enough, as will my sleeping beauty over there.

He's in for a shock when he finds out what I did back in the day – Sylar? Teddy bear compared to me, trust me; I was something that would haunt your nightmares and that's no idle bragging.

However I have to add here, before I paint too bad a picture of myself, that I had due provocation for my actions. Still, I suppose, with hindsight, I _might _have been a _little_ heavy handed in my retribution.

But what's done is done, I need to look forward and not concern myself with the past, not when the present is so needful of my attention. (Yes, that is another of Mr Nakamura's sayings – and, like my late grandfather, he has a _lot.)_

I smile at my momentary consideration of disobeying my friend and mentor for the sake of a quiet life. Still I suppose keeping Gabriel permanently 'sedated' wouldn't really be allowing him a true second chance would it? But it's an option…..

What I really need to do is amalgamate Sylar back into Gabriel with the latter being the main controlling psyche when this happens. Gabriel controlling alone would equate to everything being all puppies and fluffy bunnies; Sylar in charge equates to copious pools of blood and gore that would make an abattoir look like a poodle parlour.

No, they have to meld to create an average person – average is of course not very _special_. There's the other problem; Gabriel, probably due to his raving mother, wants to be different – special even, and being average is_none_ of those.

However, Sylar must be buried deep enough that he won't resurface to take sole control of Gabriel again. It's going to be a very fine balancing act; balancing is something I'm not overly good at. I wonder again about the sanity of what we're trying to do.

I bite my finger, a nervous tick I've had since a child; and make some tea. My head is aching badly and I know my nose is starting to bleed; it's to do with the amount of effort I'm putting into keeping him unconscious.

I get a tissue and mop up the blood – as I spread my feelings over Gabriel I'm relieved to find he is genuinely asleep and sigh with relief as I withdraw my own influence.

I decide to have a nap; I immobilise him with a field around his bed, hopefully it'll hold him while I'm resting.

I don't know what made me do it but I started reciting the old prayer I remember from when I was a child:

"Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul shall keep.

But if I die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul will take."

I notice an eye flicker open; God that man wakes bloody fast! I decide to improvise another bit:

"And if someone should approach my bed

I should warn him he'll lose _his_ head.

So thank you God for protecting us,

I really couldn't stand the fuss."

I see from the glint in the eyes now watching me that Sylar is still alpha male – I sigh "what?"

"What fuss?" he's trying to hide the smirk which, for some unknown reason, just annoys me even more.

I look squarely at him as I reply with a shrug "bloodstains are a bugger to get out of the carpet."

He smirks, but there is humour there and I see Sylar fade a little more; especially when Gabriel asks me quietly "why are you doing this?"

"Mr Nakamura asked me to." I am a terrible liar so rarely bother – anyway, up until a few years ago I had far worse vices to worry about.

"Is that it?" he sits up a little as I wearily sit on my bed next to his.

"No, I had to decide if you were worth saving; if your soul was redeemable. I thought it was." God I am so tired; of the past, of this – of life.

He seems to sense this "there's a way to end your pain."

I shake my head "no thanks, I can cope – Sylar can go chew on someone else's cerebral cortex."

He cocks his head to one side "you're weird."

"Gee thanks – right back at you." He's needling me and I'm not in the mood; but thank God I can control my emotions before I remove his lungs with a spoon.

"No, what I meant was that it's weird you want to help me." Well that's progress; before his…….nap he was only intent on driving me to kill him.

I shrug "Not really – we all deserve second chances if there's the possibility for us to redeem ourselves. You have that possibility, so you deserve the chance."

"What if you thought I hadn't?" calm eyes regarded me; it seems Gabriel is keen to hang on for a bit. Good, it's _so_ much easier when the patient works _with_you.

Again I shrug "you wouldn't be breathing about now." I eye him cautiously "you know you died right?"

He nods "it wasn't very….pleasant" I can imagine, but I say nothing "it made me realise what I'd done to so many people; even my own mother."

I shake my head; guilt over the deaths of people like Isaac and Ted fair enough, but his mother was an accident. "You killed people deliberately Gabriel, but your mother was an accident – plain and simple."

"How do you know?" he sits up and wobbles slightly, I go to help him as I explain "I can see your memories. She had a pair of scissors and you struggled – you were upset and she was……." Can I say deranged? Probably not "not thinking straight; what happened wasn't really your fault."

"If only….." but he doesn't finish and subsides into silence. I know what he's thinking though.

"If only she'd said it was alright not to be special? Alright to be like everyone else?" he nods "would you have stopped, would have really and truly stopped then – the killing, all of it?"

He looks at me, a world of emotion in his eyes and I know that both Sylar and Gabriel are speaking when he says "yes; yes I would."

I nod "then she was as much to blame. To put so much pressure on you when you were so………confused; to constantly nag you to be more than you were" I sigh "that's not right Gabriel. It's not fair to want to live your life vicariously through your children.

That's what she wanted to do; her life hadn't turned out the way she had hoped, so she was going to ensure you lived her dream for her. You were going to be special, to be famous; to move her out of that tiny apartment, to give her something to brag to her friends about."

I hold his gaze "she couldn't see the kind and gentle man her son had become. She didn't see his expertise with timepieces of all sorts – then, when she was confronted with the monster she helped create, she didn't want that either. In one way I understand why you then carried on – what else was there for you?"

Sylar breaks………a little, but it's a start "no one's said that before."

"No one else sees it like I do – like Mr Nakamura does. We see the man_inside" _I tap his chest "he's a good man, he has so much to offer – Sylar, Gabriel; you're one and the same, two halves of the same whole. You need to work together to control your powers and yourself."

"Its too late for that – I'm beyond redemption; ask anyone that was at Kirby Plaza. Not _one_ person would defend me." He throws himself back on the bed. This is just great, now he's going to his own private pity party.

Sometimes men can be such _babies._


End file.
